So, my partner’s and my 10-year-old ship seems like it’s coming to an end. And not a good one, either. Bitter. It was unexpected, too, although the way one of them had been behaving, we knew the other wouldn’t be able to put up with it for long. They’re past a place where they can mend what happened, and it hurts them both. And you know, it hurts for me, too. Because every time I log in now, and I know my character’s hurting, I feel guilty. For a long, long time, he’s been there for me, he’s been my blanket. When I was angry, frustrated, tired, I knew I could log into him and for a brief while, he’d let me be somewhere else. And I could bring him to life, a better life. A different life. We relied on eachother.
And now, with this breakup, he will be miserable. In all likelihood he’ll run off, live alone, drink himself to death, never see his boy again. And I know, he’s fictional, I should be able to just do that and be done with it. But, it feels like I’m betraying an old friend. I don’t want to leave him in a place where he will only hurt. He’s done so much for me, and that’s how I’d repay him?
But we’re really in too deep at this point. A line was crossed that can’t be un-crossed, not realistically anyway, and my partner and I — If ANYTHING — have striven to RP realism. Fights, lots of fights, stress, other turmoil. Just making all that development vanish for the sake of a loving relationship, it feels like it would be such an utter insult to our characters and neither of us wants to be the one to suggest it.
But then I think back to the good that happened in their relationship. How they met, talked, fell in love, married, honeymoon, their move to a new home. Adoption. An entirely new phase of their life, raising a child. Being a parent. How greatly impacted them, the stress and the hurt. And the love. And now it’s fizzling, they can’t /stay/ together. They love each other, but they can’t stay together. 10 years of marriage, 10 years of life.
These aren’t fictional characters, they’re people who haven’t had the good fortune to exist on this realm. Human beings with feelings, with presence, with energy. It hurts to know that I might end up leaving them in such a miserable place, after everything they’ve done. Everything they’ve experienced. The sheer mass of life. All that development, just vanishing. But there isn’t really another choice, when you let the muses determine their own fate.